Totally Mad
by SNIVELLUSisGOD
Summary: In a moment of madness, Remus agrees to date James to get Sirius jealous. SiriusRemus Slash  R
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** Gods, I wish...

**Warning:** Boy on boy lurvin'

**A/N: **Jame's plan might sound far-fetched, but I imagine him as someone who would do anything for his friends and who would do anything period. He likes attention, but doesn't really care what kind of attention it is.

* * *

"James..." Remus began nervously, "Can I talk to you about something? Something sort of serious?"

"Surely, Moony. Now what's ailing you, mate?" he asked in a mockingly concerned tone as he cocked his head the side and blinked rapidly.

"Well, you see... IlikeboyswhichmeansI'mahomosexual." He closed his eyes and waited for the sure-to-come disgusted outburst.

After a few moments of silence, Remus decided that it would be safe to peek at James' reaction. He opened a single eye. James sat there, stock-still and deathly quiet. Remus was about to ask what he was thinking when James abruptly stood up. He then turned his back on Remus, walked a couple steps away, and stopped.

"AHHHH!" James screamed as he began to bang his head violently against Peter's bedpost. "You gross, sick freak!" he shrieked. Then he flung himself on the floor and moaned disgustedly as his arms flailed about wildly.

"James!" Remus yelled worriedly. "Oh, Merlin," he whined while he smacked himself in the head repeatedly. When he stopped James was still on the floor. "Ohh, Merlin."

At the end of two more agonizing minutes, James suddenly stopped moving.

"James?" Remus said tentatively. It sounded like he was checking to see if he was still alive. "You alright?"

He stood up and brushed a bit of imaginary dust off his shoulders.

"Er... Is that it?"

"Is that it?" Remus repeated stupidly.

"Yes, Moony, that's what I said. How 'bout once more, but slower this time: Is... That... It?"

"Well, yeah, that's it," Remus answered, partly frustrated and partly relieved.

"Did you really expect me to not be okay with it?"

"Are you?"

"Of course I don't care, you prat. You are who you are."

"Really?"

"Well... I can't pretend I didn't have my suspicions."

"What?"

"Aye," he began solemnly, "I see the way you look at me from afar. I feel your burning gaze on my handsome face. I smell your insuperable desire to run your hand through my smooth, jet-black tresses. But, alas, I am sorry that I do not return those deep, passionate feelings," he finished dramatically.

"No, Prongs, I wa--."

"Moony, Moony, It's okay. I know you are slightly humiliated, but you don't have to take back what you've said." He stopped for a moment to allowed this huge blow to sink in. Remus was momentarily speechless.

"It's very understandable. It must be difficult to see my perfectly chiseled sleeping form across from you every night, my sexy, naked arse in the showers each morning, and my enormous--."

"James! Damnit!" Remus interrupted. "I'm being serious. Why can't you, for once, be serious too?"

He made a noise that sounded somewhat like a growl.

"Now, now, don't get your knickers in a twist."

"You really don't get it... How hard this is... Always being different."

"C'mon, Moony. I'm just messing with you. Of course I don't care that you're a pouf, and I'm sure that nobody else will either. And if they do, I'll hex them. Plain and simple.

"You really don't think they will?" Remus asked, nearly pleading.

It was at the very moment James realized how scared Remus was. Afraid, once again, that everyone would shun him and hate him.

He looked far too old for his age. Premature wrinkles had begun to form around his eyes, under which bags continued to grow heavier. These signs wouldn't be noticeable if his expression were more carefree. And although his condition had taken its toll on his appearance, he was still quite good-looking. His tawny hair, streaked with gold, fell messily into his eyes. His eyes were light brown, but sometimes, in certain lighting, you could catch specks of yellow. Scars littered his entire body, but rather than taking aware from his appearance, it added to it. It made him appear rougher than he really was. It showed his resiliency.

"I'm positive."

And James hugged him, unsure of what else he could say. Remus looked shocked at James' way of comforting him, considering his confession.

There was a sharp gasp.

"Oh! The scandal!" Sirius' shrieked.

James and Remus quickly pulled apart.

"Well, I must say, it's darn good luck I only walked in on you two starting up. I might've been scarred for life if I would have walked in on my two best mates bumfucking."

They laughed awkwardly.

"What's wrong with you guys? That was a little bit funny. You should've laughed a bit more than that. I know I don't suck that bad."

"Sorry, Padfoot, but you must because that was not a bit amusing. You could be losing it."

As Sirius began to retort furiously, as he must defend his honor, another thought dawned on him.

"Wait!" He mumbled a few words to himself before continuing. "What exactly were you doing up here? All alone? Together? With no space in between? Faces close? Hands on each other? And very uncomfortable after I came in?" he interrogated.

"Well, you see, we were just--"

"Talking."

"Yes. Talking."

"Closely.

"Yanno, so we could hear each other."

"You know how I don't like loud voices."

Sirius looked somewhat embarrassed, which is a very rare thing indeed.

"Er. I'm sorry if I did walked in on anything," he said quickly. He was questioning the words coming out of his mouth, another rare feat. "I'll just leave you guys to it then... Just not on my bed. K?" When he finished, he sped out of the dormitory.

"Okay, what just happened here?"

"I think Sirius left so we could get it on... Just not in his bed."

"Interesting."

"Indeed."

"Shall we get on with this then?"

"What?"

"No! I meant we can finish talking."

"Oh. Sure. So are you going to tell me what bloke you fancy then?" James asked excitedly.

"Yeah. I know I sound like a girl saying this, but you can't tell anyone, alright?"

"'Course, mate. So who's the lucky guy that has won a special place in your wet dreams?"

"Uh... Sirius."

"Seriously?"

"Yes, I seriously like Sirius," Remus said exasperatedly. "And you aren't funny," he added.

"Yeah, I am!" James replied indignantly. "Anyway... why do you like him? I think I'm much more fanciable."

"Oh, I don't know. Just the way he is. How we always joke back and forth. The way he acts. Every once in a while he'll sneak into my bed at night just to talk. And sometimes he looks at me with these intense eyes. It all makes me trick myself into thinking he likes me too, but then I come to my senses again. I swear he does it all on purpose. He drives me mad.

So, what do you think? Do I have a chance?"

"Shush!" James shouted. "I need silence to think!"

Remus sighed, laid down on his four-poster, and pulled out a book. This could possibly taken a while.

"Aha!" James finally cried, a solid ten minutes later. "I have a plan!"

"I didn't want you to make up some scheme for me to get in his pants, Prongs. I just want to know whether he could ever like blokes... Or me."

"With the most brilliant plan ever you will be able to find that out."

Although Remus was curious about the most brilliant plan ever, he was apprehensive of what this plan might consist of.

"Go on."

"We pretend we're dating."

What?"

"C'mon, it's brilliant, as I already suggested.

"Sorry, mate, but I'm not seeing the brilliance. Explain."

"Well, you saw how Sirius reacted to a simple hug, and you know how he is. If he sees us dating, and he secretly wants you, it'll drive him mad until he finally bursts.

"I could just do it with any other gay bloke at school."

"Do you know any?"

"Er. No. I suppose that's the flaw... You wouldn't mind pretending that you're gay?"

"Of course not," James said, as if offended. "I am comfortable enough in my sexuality to not mind a couple people thinking I liked blokes for a couple days. And besides, you aren't ugly or anything so at least I'll be a gay with good taste."

"I can't not believe you are saying this. You are strange."

"Plus, it's like pranking everyone."

"Whatever you say, James."

" I don't think you should call me that anymore."

"Er, sorry, darling, what am I supposed to call you?"

"Some name that hints at our very active sex life."

"Oh my."

"Don't be a prude and stop acting like you aren't enjoying this. You get to date the hottest bloke at school. Anyway, I think we should go downstairs and come out."

"Huh?"

"We have to make this convincing!" James said as if it was the most obvious thing ever. "And we should probably kiss too so people don't think we are kidding."

"We are," Remus stated plainly.

"Oh, darling! You're so cute!" James said in a falsely high-pitch voice. Then he giggled like a school girl and put his hands on his hips in a very feminine way.

"Just because we're gay doesn't mean we act like girls."

"We don't?"

"Do I act like a girl?"

"Sometimes... But then again you turn into a beast once a month so that's sort of manly... But then again, girls--"

"Merlin help me." Remus put his head in his lap and sighed. "You might drive me to suicide."

"You can't talk to your boyfriend like that!"

"Are you sure about this?"

"It'll be a laugh, and you'll find out what you want to know."

"I can't believe I am doing this."

And James skipped with his arms up and his wrists limp the whole way down to the Common Room.

* * *

**A/N:** Dundundunduuun. I ate like a zillion calories worth of chocolate while typing this up. You guys should review. It would make me very happy.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** It isn't mine.

**Warning:** Slashy goodness.

**A/N:** I suck, but I do have an excuse. If anyone can help me, I'd be forever indebted. At the house where I primarily live at, the laptop will not allow me to login, resulting in the large delays between chapters. I type in my info, but then it tells me I'm not logged in. Because of this, I only get to post when I go to the other house, which isn't really often. Help?

And, man, our boys really can't handle their alcohol.

* * *

"Do you realize the you just stuck your tongue in my mouth in front the entire Common Room?"

"No, sorry."

"No?"

"You see, there was an accident when I was a small child. Horrific, really. I lost all feeling in my mouth, and that damn tongue of mind seems to move on its own accord."

"Har har."

James looked at Remus indignantly. "You're no fun. C'mon, you just got to snog me! Me! You should be crying tears of joy. What's wrong with you, man? Are you ill?"

"I'm just not into you, Prongs, no offense. It's all just a bit awkward," Remus replied.

"You've never hooked up with someone who you didn't fancy just for fun?" James asked, looking as if he had just encountered someone who was not in their right mind.

"No, I haven't, thank you very much. I believe you should like someone before you are intimate."

Almost immediately a grin graced James' lips. "Do you really? Because I seem to be remembering a night, not so long ago, when you took Miss Abigail Stephens up to our dorm. I can also add that you were up there for a mighty long time."

"I was drunk so it doesn't count! And it was my birthday! It's impossible to have morals on your birthday!"

"Excuses, excuses."

"Oh, shut up. It's just weird with you because you're my friend who I don't like as anything more than that."

"Would you like to stage a dramatic break up then?" James asked while sighing.

Remus nearly said 'yes', but a figure approaching the entrance to the Common Room, directly where the two boys stood, made him do something entirely different.

James was completely taken by surprise when Remus grabbed him roughly and pulled him into a deep kiss. He squeaked when he felt a hand grasp his bum.

"Moony!" James cried while he punched his arm playfully. "You're an animal!"

"Am I interrupting something again?" Sirius asked venomously from behind James' back.

"What's up your arse?" James countered.

"Nothing at the moment, but I'll obviously have to keep guard at night. Merlin only knows what you two will try."

"Sorry to disappoint, Sirius, but Remus and I are exclusive. Aren't we, Moony?"

Remus uncomfortably coughed up a quiet 'yes'.

Without another word to his two friends, Sirius told the Fat Lady the password and was granted entrance.

"Ooooo. I think he wants you!"

"Please. He looked more disgusted than jealous."

James looked at Remus seriously. "I have some advice for you: Every morning after you wake up and every night before you go to bed I wanted you to look in the mirror and say 'I am hot. I am sexy. I am the most awesome bloke ever. Hear me roar.'"

Remus rubbed his forehead exhaustedly. "And what exactly is that going to do?"

"It's going to help you with that self-confidence problem you've got. I do it every morning, and look at me! If Sirius fancies you, then you need to be able to see it, not deny it. I mean, I'm not sure that he likes you or anything, but you need to keep your mind open to it and not immediately shut his reactions out."

* * *

The moment Remus and James stepped into the Great Hall, hand-in-hand, the entire room went silent. The Gryffindors, Hufflepuffs, and Ravenclaws stared without shame, and the Slytherins feigned indifference.

Remus cursed the sun for peaking through the gray, storm clouds to shine a bright spotlight on them. He looked towards the ceiling to glare at it but was forced to merely squint murderously.

As the boys walked to their table, Remus could swear that he heard their footsteps echo throughout the Hall. In reality, they didn't echo because of all the people and furniture in the room, but Remus thought it would have been appropriate if they had.

"Hey," James chirped at Sirius and Peter when they reached their designated spot.

As if someone had pressed the volume up on a remote, the noise in the room immediately rose considerably. The gossip sharks of Hogwarts had found a juicy, bloody piece of meat and devoured it thoroughly.

"I told you, Bertha! I was right!"

"Potter and Lupin? It's crazy."

"I heard they are having a baby!"

"A baby?" someone chimed in, "I heard twins!"

"Don't be stupid. Boys can't have babies."

"Shut up."

"Well," another joined, "I heard that Slughorn walked in on them shagging in a broom closet."

James happened to hear this last piece of information about his life that he had yet to experience. He shimmied down to the table towards the offender.

"I heard that Old Sluggy joined in," he whispered while he raised his eyebrows suggestively.

Once back with his friends, James began to pile heaps of food on his plate.

"Great morning, isn't it?" Sirius yelled joyously, gesturing to the sky. The sun had taken to hiding again, and only bleak looking clouds good be seen. "The pumpkin juice is nice and icy cold, the tea is the perfect temperature, and the sausage is especially greasy." He flashed a toothy grin. "You two alright, then?" he asked charmingly.

"Er, yes." Remus replied curiously. James mumbled something, spraying bits of food onto Peter.

"Well, it's Hogsmeade today," Sirius started brightly, "Are you guys going together or are well all going?"

"I thought you were going with that... Er... What's-Her-Face..." Peter peered at Sirius questioningly.

"Uh, I was, but not anymore." Sirius looked rather uncomfortable. "So are we all going or not?"

Having just swallowed the food in his mouth, James joined the conversation. "Sounds good to me. How about you, Moony?"

Remus was suddenly motivated by only Merlin knows what. "Oh, alright," he started, "I thought it was going to be just you and me though?"

"Oh, silly, we have all night for that," James said through a grin.

Peter coughed up his eggs.

"Well, it's settled then?" Sirius asked cheerfully.

* * *

"So, Pads, I think you should go flirt with Rosmerta a bit so I can sneak some firewhiskey from out behind the bar."

"Good idea," Sirius said and walked up to the barmaid and did as was requested.

It worked, which wasn't a surprise. I hadn't failed since their Second Year, which, by the way, earned the pair plenty of detention.

With bottles clinking beneath all of their robes, the four boys hurried down the path that led to the Shrieking Shack.

Once they had reached their destination, out of breath from running and carrying a lot of liquid, they sat down in a spot concealed behind the old house.

"Cheers," they exclaimed after quickly pulling out of the bottles and opening them. The bottles hit each other with a loud 'clang'.

James, although he drank quite a bit, was known for being a light-weight, and Remus, who was not much of a drinker, also became drunk quickly. The pair became increasingly inebriated, and the other two weren't far behind. After the whole supply was consumed and a variety of inappropriate topics were thoroughly discussed, the four-some sat in a brief silence, all extremely drunk.

"So what's it like being gay and all that?" Peter asked out of nowhere.

"Well," Remus began thickly as he steadied himself against the side of the house, "It sort of sucks."

Peter looked somewhat disappointed that James didn't answer, but he listened anyway.

"Really, it does," Remus slurred,"You can't tell your friends because they'll either hate you or think you're hitting on them, and it's hard to find a bloke to date when it seems like you're the only one."

"Except James?" Sirius chimed in quietly, speaking to the grass.

"What?" Remus immediately said, looking at Sirius like he was mad. "Ohh, yeah, except James!" he added loudly after looking questioningly at Sirius for a couple of moments.

"Disomeonsaymaname" James called up. He was sprawled out in the grass, staring at the sky, on the verge of unconsciousness.

"No," Sirius called back.

By the time fifteen more minutes had passed, Peter had copied James' position and was now laying on the ground passed out.

Remus patted the grounded beside him. "Come on over, Siri, we're the only ones left and you're like far far away."

Sirius accepted and stumbled a few steps to where Remus sat crookedly. Rather than sitting beside Remus, Sirius chose to sit directly in front of him instead.

Remus looked up at Sirius. His deep gray eyes seemed to be made of pools of silver with a never-ending bottom. The looked he received sent chills through out his entire body.

Remus, although he later convinced himself had imagined it, thought he saw a looked of desperateness in Sirius' eyes, and at the same time, he looked animal-like. He looked like an any given moment he would pounce his friend and ravage him thoroughly.

Remus wished he would.

In his drunken state, Remus didn't notice his body inching forward, threatening to fall, face-first, on the ground.

By chance, Remus looked up and saw at once what was happening. Although, he considered pretending he didn't because he certainly didn't mind how close his face was to Sirius' chest. Rather than remaining where he was, he looked up to Sirius' face to see if he had noticed at all.

Sirius was close to being asleep. He eyes were only half-way open, and somehow, Remus thought it made him look that much more sexy.

With his drunkenness fogging up the part of his brain that would normally stop him from doing what he was about to do, he felt no fear.

Without thought, he slowly leaned close to Sirius' face. Remus thought he saw Sirius tilt his head to the side. Before their lips could make contact, Sirius' torso fell backwards and hit the ground with a hard 'thud'.

* * *

A/N: Ahhaha. Please please review. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** I didn't create them, I just manipulate them.

**A/N:** Yeah, I still suck. I'm still having problems with my computer. Sorry 'bout that. Enjoy.

* * *

The air between Remus and Sirius was as thick as Honeyduke's fudge, or at least Remus felt that it was. He didn't know what he was supposed to do or say. Really, what could he do? Sirius would either put one and two together or think he imagined the entire thing. Remus didn't know how he could even bring it up. What was he supposed to say? He cursed himself for being such a stupid drunk and vowed to never drink another sip of alcohol.

Sirius was oblivious to Remus' feelings. He had a throbbing headache and, at the1 moment, could think of nothing else.

To only his dismay, Remus was now in the showers with none other than Sirius. He speedily washed his hair, trying to decrease the amount of time they had to spend with each other alone. Sirius, on the other hand, was in no rush to finish. He merely stood in the shower, letting the water hot water pour on his back, staring.

Remus was pulled away from the furious scrubbing of his body by James' voice.

"Remmy! Come here! I have something to show you!" the voice called over the pounding water.

James' annoyingly loud shout brought Sirius back to his senses. Sirius felt like he had just been woken up by one of those insanely aggravating alarms that ought to be destroyed. He watched Remus' naked form climb out of the shower after turning the tap off. Remus then grabbed a towel, pulled it around his waist, and left.

"What the fuck!" Sirius heard Remus yell over the sound of the shower. He immediately turned the water off and got out. He wondered what could've possibly happened to make Remus curse like that.

When he shot out of the bathroom door, he accidentally ran straight into Remus, who stood still and looked completely unaware that a body had just rammed into him forcefully.

After hastily standing back up and pulling his towel tighter around his waist, Sirius saw what Remus was staring at.

James was laying on Remus' bed. What he wore was the cause of the look of horror on Remus' face.

James was sporting a bra and panties, his torso and legs completely bare. The tiny pieces the cloth were a matching shade of forget-me-not blue, and they looked somewhat sparkly. A glint of silver on James' wrist caught Sirius' attention. After looking more closely, he found that James was handcuffed to the bed. This was all for Remus, of course.

"Oh, Sirius!" James giggled while he unsuccessfully tried to cover himself with a free hand. "I thought you had already went downstairs!"

Sirius' face bore an expression of shock, very similar to Remus'.

"What the,"

"Fuck."

"Oh my,"

"Fuck."

"Are you,"

"Fuck."

After the choice words had been said, a brief silence settled.

"I cannot believe you," Remus finally said to James. He spoke slowly, pausing between every word.

James was certainly not pleased with Remus' reaction, which was quickly made apparent. "This was all for you!" He yelled acrimoniously. "Do you think thongs are comfy? Because they aren't! A string of lace up your ass is not a tea party!"

Remus closed his eyes. He looked like he had an intense migraine.

"Sirius you should go," Remus said quietly. Sirius obliged.

Through the door, Sirius listened intently.

"I really thought you'd like this!," James yelled.

"You've got to be kidding."

"Hellllo. Don't gay people like this sort of thing?"

"Not generally, no."

"Well, my bad. I was trying, for Merlin's sake. You need to loosen up."

"Loosen up? Loosen up! You're handcuffed to my bed! Wearing women's underwear! I like men! Not transsexuals!"

"Stop yelling, damnit! I'm not all up-to-date on this gay stuff. Gee. I trying to do this for you, remember?"

A small blush grazed Remus' cheeks. He suddenly looked ashamed. "Yeah... I'm sorry for yelling, but... A bra, Prongs? Did you really think that I like men in bras? If I wanted to see lacy bras I'd go with girls."

James giggled. "You're the only gay person I know, you know. Maybe you need to tutor me or something."

"Sure. I'll be sure to do that. While were at it, we might as well invite whoever would like to come. Maybe we can even do demonstrations, eh?"

James laughed loudly, their screaming match easily forgotten. "But did you see Padfoot's face? It was worth it."

Remus laughed too. "Yeah, but he probably think this whole thing is a joke now... A thong, for Merlin's sake."

Sirius furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. What the hell is going on? he thought. This was way too bizarre for his liking. He liked his normalness. Well, he was only sort of normal, but his level of weirdness was his limit. Remus was supposed to be normal, the most normal of them all, in fact. James was... Well, he was James and for the most part, Sirius was used to that, and his behavior had become normal to him too. But all of this? Totally not normal.

Sirius didn't know what they were up to, but he vowed to figure it out.

More words floated out from under the door.

"Take it off," Remus said.

"Oh, Remus!," James giggled, "Unhook my bra."

"Only if you say please."

"Please."

* * *

"What's wrong with you, Moony?" Sirius asked after dinner.

Sirius and Remus sat comfortably in the Common Room. The former helping the latter finish his Potion's essay. Or at least, Remus was trying to help Sirius. Sirius, on the other hand, was preoccupied with other things. He only agreed to let Remus help him because Remus would give him some speech about his future if he didn't. Sirius had gotten two of those before and they weren't easy to forget. 'Sirius, you can actually have a life... I can't... So just please don't screw it up.' The smart little werewolf played the pity card, and it always worked with Sirius.

Sirius would never admit it, but he had a little soft spot for things concerning Remus. Maybe it was because his condition, but Sirius didn't think so. Remus had a presence that was very hard to describe. It was like he made you want to be better. He made you want to be better for yourself, not just him. You wanted to make him proud of you, like his opinions meant the most. Sirius always wanted to please him.

"Nothing really."

"C'mon, I can tell."

"Sirius..." Remus began, "I'm sorry about last night."

"Er, what happened? Were you and James having sex on my bed or something? I barely remember a thing."

"Really?"

"Really what?"

"You barely remember anything."

"Oh, yeah."

"Oh, nevermind, then."

"Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me," Sirus badgered.

"Really, don't worry about it."

Sirius was most certainly worried about it now. You can't just bring something like that up and drop it. It just isn't right, and Sirius told Remus exactly that. Remus didn't budge, which made the whole thing more maddening.

"Listen," Remus began, "I swear I'll tell you... Just not right now, k?"

Uncharacteristically, Sirius shut up. He heard the tone Remus used. Everybody has that certain tone they use when they really mean what they're saying. Sirius knew not to push it. Remus was stubborn, and if Sirius pissed him off too much, then he with definitely never find out what had happened.

"Are you okay with me and James?" Remus asked abruptly after a short silence.

"Yeah... I mean, I wasn't at first, obviously... But I came around." Sirius looked awkward. "How long have you guys been... together or whatever?"

"Not long," Remus said.

"How long have you known?"

Remus didn't need him to ask what. He knew that Sirius wanted to know how long he knew that he was gay.

"A while."

"Is James the only one?"

For the first time, Remus felt terribly uncomfortable with this entire thing. He hadn't thought about what this type of thing would make him feel. This was too hard for him. Sirius knew now. He knew that he was gay, and if Sirius had any feelings for him, this would be the prime time to admit it. Remus didn't need to continue with this silly charade.

"No... but I'm sorry I don't want to talk about his anymore," he finished and attempted to speed up to the dormitory. Before he could reach the stairwell, Sirius called out to him.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Remus looked back at Sirius, the sad look in his eye blatant. He didn't respond.

"James, I can't do this anymore," Remus said once he opened the door.

Remus hadn't seen Peter on his bed.

"Are you guys breaking up?" He asked, cocking his head to the side.

"Er... Get out, Peter. Uh, please." James said at once.

Peter obeyed. He immediately scrambled out of his bed and rushed to the door, slamming it behind him.

"What are you going on about?"

"I don't want to do it anymore... Seriously... Can we just end it?" James noticed the pleading in Remus' voice.

"What happened?"

"It's just Sirius... I feel bad doing this... I don't know."

"It's okay, Moony, really."

Very reminiscent of the day Remus confessed to James, James pulled him into a tight hug.

"I'm sorry, James," Remus finally said, pulling away. "You probably think I'm terribly poufish."

"Well, yeah, sort of. But hey, you know how much I like Lily, so I'm just as bad," he said with a dry laugh.

Remus' lips turned upward into a small smile. Jame took advantage of this brief mood lift.

"I was just planning doing something else we could do... So, maybe we could wait a couple day then break things off?" He said, barely concealing his mischievous grin.

Remus didn't want to, but James seemed very enthused. "Oh, alright, but just a few days."

James smiled. His newest plan would certainly ignite a reaction from Sirius.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** Not mine.

**Warning:** Slash, but nothing graphic.

**A/N:** 'Ellllo. Next chapter will be the last one. I planned on this story being longer, but I need to cut it short due to plenty of school work and a nonfanfiction book idea. Enjoy and please review.

* * *

"Ah! Perfect. Why, I have never met a better match," The professor roared while buttoning a button on his jacket that had come undone.

Sirius scowled.

Professor Slughorn wobbled towards the next table, smiling jovially.

Severus smirked.

"I told you adding a counter-clockwise stir would do the trick," he whispered to the boy sitting next to him.

"But that's not what the book said," Remus whispered back forcefully. "It's dangerous."

"If all the great wizards had become preoccupied with what is 'safe', no one would have ever accomplished anything."

Remus was ready to retort furiously, making note to question Severus' comparison of himself to a great wizard, when Slughorn addressed the class loudly, drowing him out.

* * *

"Sorry, guys," Remus mumbled with his mouth stuffed with food. He looked very similar to a squirrel storing food in its cheek for later. 

"Gotta' go to the library," he added before getting up and rushing towards the doors.

Remus was in hurry. He had previously allotted himself exactly two hours to complete his homework, but due to another assignment, he was behind. He hadn't been able to finish everything, and that, to Remus was right up under Armageddon on his list of 'Things That I Hope Never Happen.'

He followed the familiar path to the library, bumping into several people along with way. He took several shortcuts, hoping to shorten the distance.

It was a fact that Remus had no reason to be in such a hurry. He barely had any homework left to finish. All he needed to do was put a few finishing touches on his Potions essay. The temptation to add a few of Severus' tips lingered briefly in his mind, but he quickly shoved it out. First of all, the tips weren't his, and secondly, it was not in the book. Of course, the textbook is practically the Bible (along with all of his other books), which would make the tips completely sacrilegious. However, Remus had to admit that Severus was very clever, but he had already known that anyway. Even though it was very true, Remus had a hard time complimenting Severus, even in his own head.

Severus was certainly not the nicest boy you'll ever meet. Remus couldn't say that me made crude jokes or often cursed first years out, but he also wasn't pleasant. He had a certain way of speaking that made you feel like a complete moron, which was exactly what he was thinking. His look was the worst, and he seemed to give the same look to everyone. His eyes were like deep, frightening, black holes. It felt like that shot daggers at you. He was one of the few people that could scare someone without even speaking. On the rare occasion when he exploded, he could preform the nastiest hexes. The receiving end never looked pretty afterwards.

Because his mind was preoccupied, he reached the library before he knew it. The sudden stop halted his musings.

Remus walked to his usual table, quickly adverting his eyes to the floor when he saw Madam Pince approaching. His table was in a far back corner, away from all of the other tables. It was surrounded by dusty volumes that contained information about The Beggining. Because the subject wasn't touched on at Hogwards, students rarely ventured back there. And even though it was full of fluffy, little dust bunnies, Remus enjoyed it. The high shelves surrounding him blocked out most of the noise. He was also alone, completely alone. And anyone who knew Remus, knew he didn't like to be disrupted while working.

"Lupin."

Remus looked up in surprise.

"Severus. Funny. I was just thinking about you." The words slipped out of his mouth before he had even thought about what he was saying.

"I'd rather you not. You see, I don't go that way."

"It wasn't like that," Remus immediately said, blushing furiously.

"Yes, I figured that. I just knew it would make you squirm."

Remus was not amused.

"That was certainly nice of you," he spat, "Do you want something? Or did you just come back here to see me? If it was the latter, people might start to wonder, just so you know."

"Actually, I was just looking for a book," Severus replied.

'Well go on then," Remus said while gesturing at a shelf, "there's plenty of them."

Remus was mildly confused. Was Severus being somewhat civil? He hadn't given him the Look at all.

Without another word, Severus began looking through the books. Every minute or so, he would pull a book off the shelf, examine it, and place it back.

Remus felt invaded. This was his area, his spot, his table. He wasn't too comfortable with Severus being there, of all people.

After ten minutes had passed, the silence was broken.

"So why are you and Potter dating?" James' name was said with as much contempt as possible.

Remus was slightly shocked.

"Are you going to wait for a bug to fly in your mouth or are you going to answer me?"

"Oh, well... We like each other, obviously."

"Not obviously. I don't think you do."

Remus couldn't help but feel a little offended.

"You don't, do you? How'd you figure that?"

"I think you like someone else," he replied simply.

Remus was shocked again. What was Severus trying to get to? Did he know something? If he did, how? He was very curious, so he humored Severus.

"Yeah, you're right, I do. Do you know who he is?"

"Yes."

"Would you mind saying his name aloud?" Remus' impatience rose.

"Not at all. Black."

The tawny haired boy's jaw dropped. Of course he knew what the right answer was, but he did not expect Severus to. Before he could think out of plan of action, he cried, "What! How the bloody hell do you know that?"

"Settle down. I'm observant," Severus replied cooly and calmly.

"Am I that obvious?" Remus said while banging his head on the table. "Ow!" he said, "Damnit, I thought that would make me feel better, not worse."

"No, I just notice things."

"Why are you telling me this?"

For the first time Severus looked uncomfortable. He looked at his feet and began to wring his hands lightly. "Well. You're not so bad Lupin. All of your friends are gits, and I hope I will be the cause of their deaths one day, but your'e different. I just thought I'd tell you that I think you should go ahead and tell Black so you don't mope around all day, compromising our Potions grade.

Remus was entirely unsure of what he was supposed to say or think. This was completely out of character for Severus Snape, and he briefly entertained the idea that it was really James under the influence of Polyjuice Potion. Although he dismissed the idea quickly. If James were parading around as Snape, he would most definately not be trying to get Remus and Sirius together. He would be running around naked or something of that sort.

"Er... Thanks?" Remus said uncertainly. "I--"

Before Remus could finish his thought, a head popped around the corner, stopping him in his tracks. The head was topped with a messy mop of jet black hair.

"Hey, Moony... Wait. What are you two doing meeting back here?" He interogated rudely after his eyes fell upon Snape.

"We aren't meeting back here, we just met back here," Snape snapped back. Usually something like this would reslult in their wands being pulled out, but Snape just left without another word.

"What was he saying to you?" James asked, obviously trying to figure out if some hexing was in order.

"Nothing. He was looking for a book. This is a library, you know." Remus was almost mad at James for interrupting them. It was the strangest conversation that Remus had ever had with Severus, and he wanted to continue. He saw a different side of him, a nearly friendly side.

"Geesh. Anyyyways. So, are we going ahead with the plan tonight?"

"You have yet to tell me what your latest scheme consists of."

"Do I have to?"

Remus almost immediately said 'yes', but then he hesitated. Did he really want to know? If he knew, he probably wouldn't do it. He needed to get this out, as Severus reassured him.

"No."

"Really?" James almost fell over with excitement. He was obviously sure that Remus would say that he wouldn't do it if he told him what they were going to do.

"Yeah, I don't want to know."

* * *

"Psst."

Remus rolled over.

"Psssst."

"Uhhhhh."

"PSSST."

"What the hell do you want," Remus whispered.

"Can I come in?"

Remus pulled back his bed curtain, allowing James to enter. James shoved Remus over and shimmied down beside him.

"Scooch over."

"What are you doing here?"

"Ohhh, Remus!"

"What the---"

"You're a god!"

"Are you---"

"Ohhh, ohh, ahhh."

"James---"

"You're amazing!"

"JAMES!"

The last voice was not Remus'.

"Remus, Peter, get out." The voice dripped with anger. "James. You stay."


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:** It belongs to the wonderrrful J.K. Rowling.

**Warning:** Mild slashyness.

**A/N:** It's over, I think. I might come back to it later, but for now it's complete. I hope you all enjoyed it. It was fun to write. Because it's the last chapter, you should review!

* * *

Although Sirius' voice was barely audible, his tone could not be mistaken.

"Me? What about you? You just kicked everyone out for no reason!" James was not happy. He was going for a reaction but not like this. James had envisioned Sirius dramatically flinging him across the room, exclaiming his love for Remus, and then ravaging the tawny-haired boy senseless.

"Don't try to turn this around on me." The volume of Sirius' voice grew steadily. "Really, what kind of friend are you?"

"Seeing as I have no clue what you're talking about, I can't really give an answer. I wish you would just get on with it."

James' reply wasn't exactly what Sirius was asking for.

Sirius ran his fingers through his hair, pulling roughly in frustration. "You've got to be joking..." he mumbled to himself.

In a moment of severe anger, Sirius unexpectedly pulled back his right arm while his hand simultaneously formed a tight fist. In one swift motion, his knuckles collided with James' face with a loud 'crack.'

As a reflex, James' hands flung onto his eye. He squinted through his broken glasses. His hazel eyes were red with fury. The muscles in his jaw visibly clenched. He couldn't speak.

As swiftly as Sirius punched him, James hurled himself at Sirius, arms swinging. They both toppled to the floor. In the dark, they punched each other blinding, hoping to inflict damage. With fists flying and legs kicking, they both were intent on getting the upper-hand. James laughed maniacally when Sirius accidentally punched a table leg when aiming for him. Sirius growled and proceeded to jump onto James, immediately stopping the laughter.

Sirius finally gained dominance.

James was sprawled out on the floor, face up. Sirius was firmly sitting on top of him with each leg placed beside James' hips. James attempted to wiggle free but was unable due to Sirius' position over him. Sirius could have easily caused James a lot of hurt, but he didn't.

"Why'd you do it?" Sirius asked, his voice cracking.

"Do what?" James yelled while trying to free himself.

Although James knew, he was second guessing himself. The obvious answer was Remus, but James couldn't imagine Sirius going this crazy over that.

"You knew!"

"What did I know?"

"I told you"

"Just tell me what your fucking going on about!"

"I told you I liked Remus, Prongs!" Sirius yelled. His scream was followed by total silence.

James was confused. For a moment, he forgot his pounding headache and increasingly puffy eye. A warm, fuzzy feeling washed over James in a totally girly type of way. It was about Remus, afterall. James thought the Sirius must like Remus a lot because of this reaction.

He couldn't conceal his grin. Although he was in a submissive position, he was victorious, well sort of. He wasn't the one who was going to get laid, but he had brought it about, and the thought made him smile.

"You did not tell me."

"Yes, I did."

"Uh, no."

"Er, well... You should've known anyway, damnit. You're my friend, so you're supposed to read just read my mind about these things... And still, there you went... Dating him... Snogging him... And now shagging him! Ugh!"

James couldn't believe that Sirius was faulting him because he wasn't able to read minds.

As Sirius became increasingly hysterical, James was becoming very aware of how bad it would be for him if Sirius were to get angry again in this position.

"I never did those things, Padfoot!"

"C'mon. I'm not stupid."

"Rea--"

"I bet you two have been getting a real good laugh out of all this. It's been driving me mad, you know! Everyday, every minute, I've been right on the verge of snapping. And there you two went, pushing it, just pushing it."

"Go get Moony! Ask him! Wait, better yet, tell him! Go on, tell him what you've said."

"I can't, James! ...With you two together... Ughh."

"Merlin, grow up, Sirius! Just tell him! If you don't someone else is going to get with him, and you'll be sent to the department in St. Mungo's for people with mental disorders!"

"But you--"

"WE AREN'T TOGETHER." Each word was pronounced loudly and clearly. "JUST GO."

With reluctant obedience, Sirius got off of James. He then sent James a death glare that clearly said 'If this doesn't work, you'll never be able to make babies.'

"Where's Remus?" Sirius asked Peter, who was dozing by the dying fire.

"Mmmm... He... Mmm..." Between words his head fell onto his shoulder.

"Wake up, man!" Sirius yelled. "Now, where's Remus."

The newly awakened Peter replied, "He had James' cloak. When you two started yelling he said he was going off to the library."

Once Peter had finished, Sirius shot towards the Portrait Hole, not giving a single thought to what the consequences of getting caught out would be.

* * *

Sirius reached the library panting. He hunched over and breathed deeply, trying to catch his breath. He ran his fingers through his hair. I probably look like shit, he thought. After attempting to brush through his hair with his fingers, he gave up. He comforted himself with the thought that it was dark, and hopefully, Remus wouldn't be able to see him very well.

The door creaked when he slowly opened it. He managed to squeezed himself in without having to open the door very far. He quickly scanned the parts of the room he could see and found that there were no lights on.

"Remus," He whispered.

There wasn't an answer.

He walked towards the first shelf and looked down it. Remus wasn't there. He continued to look until he got to the seventh shelf.

Sirius could see Remus sitting on the floor, leaning against the book shelf with his eyes closed.

Immediately sensing somebody else's presence, Remus opened his eyes.

He clumsily stood up as Sirius neared.

"I like you," Sirius said plainly.

At that very moment, Remus was fairly certain that he was dreaming. This was too good. Of course, that couldn't stop him from enjoying the dream.

At the very same time Remus stood on his tip-toes, Sirius bent down. A loud 'crack' was heard.

"Ow!"

"Fuck!"

"This type of shit doesn't happened it dreams!"

"What?"

"Nevermind."

This was supposed to be perfect, Remus thought. It was real, and he just screwed things up. His face grew bright red and hot at the mere thought of what had just happened. He stared at his feet in shame. He didn't dare look up. He couldn't. He dearly hoped that Sirius would just go away.

Then Sirius placed his hand under Remus' chin and gently tilted his head up. Their lips met.

It wasn't one of those kisses that was built up and then disappointed. It wasn't the kind that you wanted so bad, but it just ended up being sloppy and awkward. It was one of those kisses that was built up and was perfect, exactly the way you had always imagined it would be. And believe me, you imagined it constantly. It lived up to every expectation that you held. It felt so smooth and it just fit in a completely unexplainable way.

Remus wondered if he was dreaming again. "I must be mad," Remus accidently mumbed out loud into Sirus' neck.

"That's alright, I'm a bit mad too."


End file.
